Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
