party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
even my farts smell like vagina
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just forgot I was standing up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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