If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
