Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The best revenge is premature balding
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
