Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
