my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
