i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
