I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
