Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
