dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
