this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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