And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
