every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
