i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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