I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
