it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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