If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
