I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
