Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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