hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
