I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
