i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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