I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
