Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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