I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize