ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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