escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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