uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
