ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
