i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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