is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Couch. On fire.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
