stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
