Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
