I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
