Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
