Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
