another moral hangover. fuck.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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