You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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