her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
