Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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