I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
