I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
