Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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