If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
