The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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