Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
