life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
