That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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