he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Acid is not a monday night drug
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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