We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
