tell your sister to shave her snatch
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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